• 10:46 Involved in conversation about God, world as it is...I find I can discuss this without having same belief in God as my friend has. Cool.
• 12:04 Did I mention it's SUNNY??!! Glorious!!
  (Must rest now; was stacking some wood in lovely sun + breeze. Slowly, I promise! Very slowly!)
• 17:05 Uncut version of client newsletter finalized, as are newest contacts. Phew. Now to make website version, cut version, & get it mailed.

Re that God bit: One thing I found interesting was how in the course of responding to some posts recently is that many of us responding felt it needful to clarify our own lack of similar belief. Some of us, not so much. So I was wondering: is it necessary to say you don't share the same ideas (full disclosure sort of thing)? If someone asks for "your thoughts and prayers be with us" or something like that, do you find it needful to explain that you can't quite do as they ask because your beliefs are different? What if the requester is a believer in Faeries, or Norse Gods, or Christian God, or Judaic God? Does how you respond change? What if the believer is sort of similar to you in belief, but not quite? What if you are vastly different? What if the requester is atheist or agnostic, and asking only for well-wishes, and you want to also pray for them?

I'm perfectly happy to talk about my beliefs, but I'm not always sure that mine are particularly relevant to a conversation. This leads me to wonder: can one discuss, debate, analyze, and tease out theological ideas without getting into one's own beliefs, and still do this honestly? I hope so, since that's what I've been doing...I feel like I can ask relevant questions, suspend (as it were) my own disbelief (if any) long enough to say "if so, then what about...?"

Anyway, this natter is mostly an outgrowth of thinking about stuff jaipur has been posting, but not just there (of course); my family has a fairly diverse range of beliefs from member to member, and I'm often interested in exploring the consequences and ramifications of a set of beliefs without wanting to get into who's got the truth of it and whether or not we should agree. I suppose this ties into my sense of a sort of independence of validity (someone's feelings about a circumstance can be valid and appropriate regardless of whether I would have the same feelings about or in those circumstance).

Clearly, I am beginning to ramble. Ooops. Better head off to bed. Or to watch some very silly TV streaming on Hulu. (jere7my, thanks for the recommendation for FlashForward. I like the characters less than in Fringe but think (so far) the story has more interesting layers. Fun combo.)

• 12:11 FASCINATING The Telltale Wombs Of Lewiston, Maine Data show getting paid per procedure is factor in health care.
• 16:47 Mo and I are making ears for our Hallowe'en costumes. I love making things. He's learning to sew too!

Kind of unrelated posts, there. The skewing of medical procedure frequencies amazes me without surprising me. I really love data-driven stories like this, when we take "Well what's actually happening? Let's find out!" approach. I want to know why the county I grew up in has the highest breast cancer rate in the state (Does it really? Were our docs more likely to diagnose it? What's the recovery rate? What's going on here?).

Would like to think about the ideas in nellorat's recent post more. In lieu of time to think/write, linking to her post, and repeating my comment there. Maybe I'll find more time to think/use this.

She writes (at the end of her post), So thinking that you or others are damning you braces you more rigidly, while feeling good, blessed and blessing, relaxes you and improves your requisite variety.

Have you experienced this? What do you think are the limits or counter-forces?

I replied: First rough thoughts:
Yes, I have experienced this. I call it (sometimes) my natter-chatter critic voice. It's probably a learned behavior.

Counterforces include nonforcing intention to repattern yourself; awareness (when am I doing this, what am I doing); acceptance (of the validity of the feeling, the mistake, the thing to change is here now); forgiveness.

• 22:55 Recommended (food for thought at minimum): http://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/shop-class-as-soulcraft

Back from vacation (we went to Philadelphia). It was good to be gone; it will be good to get back into the stride of things, but won't happen fully this week as I'm off again Thursday (back to Philly, more or less -- how the hell do TWENTY years pass so ... so ... fast and interestingly? ).

Trying to not take on anything new until I've FINISHED some stuff, and trying to figure out what work to bring (I'll take train for part of it after all) since Thurs & Fri are my usual work days and I can't do no work for 2 weeks in a row. (Also, if I wait on trying to get new stuff, someone else will do it/be hired and I won't screw it up and I won't screw up what is in my hands. This sounds weird, and is phrased negatively, but I think is good planning for me now and I'm just now to sleepy to phrase it better.) Wishing as always for my time to set up and do some of my own projects and sites, but must do the agreed-to/paid-to-do stuff first still.

On the other hand, although no work was done today (true about 2/3 of Tuesdays at present), I was the kind of Mom I want to be (basically cheerful, moderately organized, sharing attention, with my kid, instead of being too wrapped up in my own head/projects/chores). We mowed, tidied, planted marigolds, lettuce & spinach seeds, played with AuntieE, got haircuts, had ice cream with lepi. Mojo knows that marigolds help keep the bugs away from other plants, now!

'Nuff tags, Kir? Sheesh.

Another day of a fair bit of driving around for various errands and appointments and an unexpected but useful nap and lo! the only useful work being getting an invoice ready to print. I have GOT to stop having days like this.

I laughed at this, from supergee: Star Trek FlowChart, for knowing which movie is which. Hee! I haven't seen about half of these, actually. Or I might've just forgotten. I did see the most recent Star Trek movie and liked many things about it. It made me start thinking about which sets of folk tales/audiences permit messing with "canon"/expansion of canon, and which don't. (I was thinking particularly of Lord of the Rings in contrast to Star Trek, and inherent structure. I told R that if I were some cool lit academic, I could probably get a dozen papers out of this idea, pushing and stretching it, and he just gave me a look. But I mean, really, Grimm & Lang & Andersen, and then Disney & Tepper and McKinley and... ok, ok, it's been done.)

One of Debby's recent posts reminded me to say that we went to see Andre Rieu! For Christmas, Mom arranged for her, MonkeyBoy, sisterK, and R (only he was on call so it became me) to go to the 30th Anniversary concert in Manchester on April 21. Morgan loved, which was the point. So did the rest of us. Music! Dancing! Some of his favorite songs ("the dolly song" and "the bull song") from DVDs! Balloons!!

I slowly read books by the Dalai Lama and by Pema Chodron. I love the way these books make me feel: hopeful, respectful, possible. I'm also reading Dirty Laundry: 100 Days in a Buddhist Monastery. This is a fascinating contrast to works the other two, actually (in both structure and content), and reminds me that Buddhist and Zen practitioners and monks are probably all ordinary people with all of our ego-quirks and drives. They have inspired this question: Is serenity something you can learn, or does the habit of it happen, like wisdom, while you are working on other things?

This question might also be influenced by recent readings in nellorat's and ozarque's LJs. Mind you, they are working on really different processes, but I can see how musing over their posts might poke me into wondering about serenity and wisdom and acceptance amid, during, in response to, and maybe even in celebration (sometimes) of change.

Nellorat's posts this month also are really making me think about health, my own perception and reaction to body shape and size, what my resistances are and my strengths (in terms of governing and increasing my health in my body). Some of ellenmillion's recent art, and some of lepi's practices in the last year+ are part of this weaving, and I think so is my swimming and some good news I received today (thyroid, sugars, liver all tested normal or excellent). I thank you all, especially Nellorat, very much. (I may write more details later, or I may not, since I'm not sure it would be much more than a snapshot of current thinking rather than serious process/change/growth. Either way is OK.) If you're interested in this sort of thing, go browse her blog.

We're on vacation next week (lepi is part-time housesitting or sorts, thank you dear!): off to NY and Philly, bracketed if we're lucky by some birthday parties, and not getting the garden planted but at least frost will be almost surely gone by the time we're back. Not to mention continuing to practice really silly run-on sentences.

This one is for lepi: http://puimun.deviantart.com/art/Queen-of-Pentacles-89204454

This one is for raven_albion: http://puimun.deviantart.com/art/Queen-of-Wands-93383316

I wish I could paint this well... and I suppose if I could practice and study as much as Stephanie Pui-Mun Law does, I might get there. I am so in awe. Her work is so rich.

Sorry, I'm not including thumbs; it's not my art. Please click 'em!

• 11:27 Went swimming again this a.m. Ran into a fellow self-employed mom! I may have to buy a membership. Now to work and work and work...
• 11:55 Newsletter phone call made; draft needs edits (to do tonight), all is well there. Next task/client!
• 12:30 OK, hosting set up, though not the files. Next!
• 14:15 Fixed, I hope, a permissions bug in an online shop. Hope I didn't fix too much! But we will see, no doubt...
• 16:10 Paper piles are still so HIGH.... sigh.

from ping to twitter to LJ with LoudTwitter

It's really critical that I get more exercise. I am not 100% sure that paying to do it is wise for us, but what the hell else do I do? Walking the dog isn't sufficient. I really do like to swim, and it's sort of a hoot swimming in a slightly warm pool while seeing the cold wind smack the trees around outside (as it did today). It's frickin' pricey though. They do have onsite childcare (if I went days I had the kid(s)). But I'm not walking enough, and I am too uncomfortable in legs and breasts while running or jogging; I always give it up within a week or two and never miss it.

I jumped around from client to client and task to task from around 11-4:30. It was surprisingly effective; I got some small things done: a, and some are old and it's always helpful to get slightly caught up. But for one of them, it's just not even slightly yet. I need to figure out how to be both more efficient and fast. Or have more time. I wish I knew which. (I also wish I could change that office around to make the space/layout more efficient as well, but I can't, it's not mine.)

On Tuesday, while R and MonkeyBoy were getting trimmed up for my brother's re-wedding on the 22nd, I got 13 inches of hair taken off (for Locks of Love, and in honor of D, my survivor friend). Then she started the haircut.

Whee!

It's a short layered bob, no bangs. Above the shoulders, below the ears. Very fun. I think I last did this about 4 years ago -- one of you asked for pics and I took these godawful self-portraits (it wasn't that I looked bad, they were just terrible photos no matter what I did). Didn't post 'em. So, you have to take your own photos if you want to see. :P I feel professional and low-maintenance. (Except for the fact that now I have to either keep it trimmed$$ or grow it out again)

In an uncharacteristic but sorely needed and probably well-deserved move, I went out last night to listen to Longford Row last night with the fabulous raven_albion and kilted_omalley. Oh, and drink scotch. Not too much (in the absolute sense), and enough for a merry me. Not as merry as, say, KiltedO'Malley, though. Hee!

R and MonkeyBoy stayed home for a movie night; R doesn't like Irish music and the show started after 9, which was pretty well right out for MonkeyBoy. Given that the music ended at 1 a.m., I spent the night at Raven's & KiltedO'Malley's, and actually slept all night long without being kicked in the back or even turning over. Wow. And then there were waffles and bacon and coffee for breakfast.

Wow. THANK YOU.

I'm all thrown off my stride. PMS, hearing my husband have a tirade about politics (have I mentioned we don't just not see eye to eye, we're probably looking in opposite directions? Today we sure as heck are and I'm Just Not Saying Anything about it), and being behind in work with no useful structure for fixing that without pissing people off that I'm not spending time with them, and no comfortable strong way to communicate this.

This, a whine in my blog.

Actually, I've just amused myself with my title. The bunny bit. You probably knew that.

I wish I had a good book to read, but I just finished In the Forests of Serre by Patricia McKillip and I keep looking around the house at other unread books and either they're nonfiction (worthy but not when I'm tired and cross (thanks to ozarque for reminding me of this word!)) or just won't like up to that lovely rich feel that's still in my head.

I suppose I should just draw for a while.

What the f*** is making this computer hang like this?

Bah!

I feel I've been just outflowing. Not much to show for it yet -- nothing finished -- but made progress on 3 watercolors, 1 design logo, 1 knitting project, 2 newsletters, work of its various kinds, wood stacking, billing. This is something. A good something.

And I spent a while today sitting and reading on the back balcony! It's so WONDERFUL to have this all-done-but-the-final-cap. Wow... I'm so grateful to the appraiser for calling us on this. (And closing is likely Tuesday, and then I think we'll be in better shape over all. Won't owe less, but will I hope be less stressed about day to day cash flow.)

Opened up on zazzle too (http://www.zazzle.com/whimsicaldreams), why not. I like their mug selection better than either deviantArt (http://metasilk.deviantart.com/store/) or cafepress (http://www.cafepress.com/whimsicaldreams). Nothing as lovely as EMG, though, but the more the merrier except managing them takes some time, when I don't know what I'm doing and I'm still damn disorganized.

Spent too much time drooling on the keyboard while browsing CheapJoe's. Mmm, art supplies.

Accidentally went to a watercolor painting gallery show. Yummy. What I learned: loosen up, let the paint do the work. No, really. Let the paint do it. Let go. Let go more. And still more.

Like Sark says: Live Juicy.

Time to use what I've got though. I've got 45 minutes til putting the short guy to bed...

Precipitate causes or feeling some emotional turmoil:

* Bank Appraiser coming ... ah .. right now.
* Stupid food choices this morning
* Not getting stuff finished as desired and losing track
* Too Much Stuff
* Planning a social event
* Probably not enough sleep
* Possibly hormones

Gotta love synsergy!

*laugh*

Back later.

According to one of my calendars, July is "Relax in a Hammock Month".

At least one of you is very wisely taking this to heart! (I need to find a goo d place to hang ours...)

Wonderful. Too short (in part thanks to my schedule, or mom's; in part because that's just how it is). Saw both expected and unexpected people.

Had the usual experience of sudden confusion and not having anything to stay to people whose writing I really like, while finding it effortless to talk to other people. I probably come across as a snob sometime, but of course I don't want to!

However, that aside, there was a terrific impromptu, accretive (more folks kept sitting down) seminar in a hallway (from the effect on one's class of "coming out" as Jewish or atheist to one's students of various ages, to the changes of word meanings, to ways of addressing accidental (and ignorant) offensiveness in the workplace, and more...). Some games, some conversations, an unfinished chalk mural, hot weather (we'd just had a wood stove fire on June 1st, so a big contrast...), even more beautiful (in number and quality) gardens than I remembered, serendipity, ice cream, lots of fruit, and games, and hugs, and that comforting deep connectivity that reminds me that I am, sometimes, the person I wanted to become.

I had some time alone/childfree today, during Open Studio Weekend . I was able to go over to Dog Tired Studios and watch both Sean P. Callahan and Annelein Beukenkamp paint. On my way home, I stopped at Art on Main and chatted with Cynthia Guild Kling.

All three artists were wonderful, open, friendly, welcoming. I learned a little something at each, and came away feeling dumbfounded, hopeful, stubborn, overwhelmed (with what I want to learn), curious, delighted.

Here are links, because I recommend seeing their stuff:
Dog Tired Studio: http://dogtiredstudio.net/
Annelein Beukenkamp: http://www.abwatercolors.com
Art on Main: http://www.artonmain.net/
Cynthia Kling's bio: http://www.artonmain.net/gallery/bios/CynthiaGuildKlingw.htm
and
Open Studio Weekend: http://www.vermontcrafts.com/links/open.html

I came home and made myself some boards to tape paintings-in-progress to out of some leftover (kinda) birch-veneer plywood we have). Table saw! Sanding! Sawdust! Heh.

Now coffee. Then music. Then work. Or paint. or something. Oh my.